No ever after for me
by Kokokirakenaquila
Summary: final words to be said, it was the end for us.


**Hello! I got the idea from this story from a lot of songs and a lot of inspiration from reading most of the lovely Infernal Devices fan Fiction stories between Tessa and Will. (hehe)**

**Originally, I wanted to do a songfic. But since a part of the lyrics didn't match what my story was going to be so I ended up writing something else. (if you're wondering what song it was…A cup of tea by Carly Rae Jepsen:) **

**I hope you like it! **

**I do not own The Infernal Devices written by Cassandra Clare nor its characters**

_I need to talk to you. Meet me in the library at eleven o'clock sharp. I'll be waiting _

_-Tessa _

She replayed it again and again. Did she write any spelling mistakes? How about grammar? She didn't want him to laugh at her, totally ignoring the whole message in the little note that she secretly gave him. She replayed it again, sounding out every syllable and pausing at periods. No, nothing at all, now most importantly, did she write anything that would offend him? Everything seemed standard and precise, not one word out of place. Tessa sighed, maybe be the fact that she signed her name maybe that was the one thing that made Will not come to have a word with her.

She put down her cup of tea after talking a couple of sips and leaned back onto the cushioned chair. She stared at the ceiling, hoping that it might tell her something but all it did was loose her train of thought. Tessa was still in her evening gown, even though it past ten. Everyone was fast asleep except for her. She looked down at the black lace that was on the coffee table, she decided to leave her hair down, and it was warming up her shoulders.

Then she looked at her jade necklace that Jem gave her, in exchange for her hand in marriage. She smoothened the surface of the green stone with her thumb, lost in thought of the image of her soon-to-be husband, and then she switched to listening her clockwork angel, that seemed to get less attention because of her new jade necklace.

Her eyes caught onto the stained glass panels of the windows. The bright colors of a flower field were replaced by gray thunder clouds, hammering at the window with its violent gusts of wind and pouring rain. She wondering if Will was alright, she knew that he would always head into the Devil's Tavern after dinner, it had become increasingly often after he found out that Jem was going to marry her. Tessa wanted to burn herself again, it was all her fault.

She didn't feel like reading a book while waiting. Tessa felt as if books were a secret way of absorbing herself to another world and forgetting her current place, and right now she wanted to stay where she was. She was too driven to speak to Will than to crack open a new book.

It was five minutes to eleven and Will is not here. Tessa announced, she felt herself getting more and more impatient. _Perhaps he is caught in the storm, it is rather a mess out there _she told herself, so she stayed in the chair, and forced another gulp of tea down her throat, before setting it on the coaster.

She laughed quietly, _He's not going to come _ She told herself, only after minutes that she assured herself that he would come.

**Will's POV  
**

"I charge only a few, you know, if you're up to it!"

Will looked up and down at the lady. She was only wearing a bodice (with no sleeves) that showed an alarming amount of breasts and with a very high skirt that showed all of her legs. Her quirky smile seemed to intoxicate him as she leaned closer to him, but not the way the _she _could do it.

He turned away and motioned the Six Fingered Nigel to hand him another glass of booze. Another bottle of whiskey, vodka, beer he didn't care. He just wanted to drown out all of the misery that was in him. Nigel poured another glass and passed him another shot of Brandy and Will forced the whole thing down his burning throat and placed the empty glass with the others.

Thirty six glasses of alcoholic beverages. Now thirty seven, he beat his original score by ten, aiming to go way higher.

"Another" He demanded. The bar tender sighed as he gave him a whole bottle of brandy, Will sluggishly said thanks as he took a **long **swig before slamming it down on the wooden countertop.

Music blared into his ears while laughing and singing filled the room, there were other noises upstairs but he didn't want to think about that. The Devil's Tavern was his getaway place, something that was essential to his life but didn't seem to fill the perfect hole in his heart. He was halfway through his brandy, and halfway to hell.

"Come on!" The lady giggled "you came to have fun right?"

"Your name?" Will asked, taking another swig from his bottle

"Never mind my name!" She exclaimed

"Then go away" he pushed, the lady sighed and went to another gentleman. Finally, Will could be totally alone. He swished the sweet substance in the bottle, watching it sparkle behind the brown glass. He was so drunk to think that brandy was much more beautiful than diamonds.

He stared at the other bottles of other beverages that sat unorganized on the shelf in front of him; he tried to dare himself into drinking every last drop of those until he died. But his conscience said enough and so did his eyes that were drooping, a gentleman should never drink more than three shots of alcohol. _Ha _he laughed, he was no gentleman at all and the thirty glasses of once filled beverages agreed with him.

Six Fingered Nigel looked at the small crumpled note that was stuffed in one of the glasses, wondering if that was the reason why his regular customer was upset. After watching him drink mouthfuls of brandy he gave in and attempted to ask. "Excuse me mate but is that note why you're so deep in the gallows?" He asked, with his pleasant Irish accent coating his voice

Will wanted to say to stay away from him but his mouth disagreed with him. "I'm having some trouble answering it, that's all" He said, Nigel shrugged as he resumed cleaning glasses and plates

He gazed at the crumpled note that he read, wondering if Tessa was still waiting for him. He wasn't worth the wait; he wasn't worth anything right now. _She's probably given up _He concluded, he wanted her to give up. He wanted her to give up trying to comfort him, to give trying to love him because he was trying so hard to unlove her but that was clearly impossible.

He figured to continue to hurt her again, so that he would be out of her life. It was for her and for him. She was the reason behind the thirty eight glasses of alcoholic beverages and he savored each and every one of them.

By the angel, it was so hard for him

Ever since Jem proposed to Tessa he had been a total wreck, he was neither happy nor angry for them. If that _stupid _demon wouldn't have come, if he hadn't _stupidly _tried to touch his father's things then possibly…

He shook his head, that wasn't the case. He should forget about Tessa, he should forget his feelings towards her. They would be total strangers and that seemed plausible to Will. He asked Magnus to provide a potion or a spell that would make people forget about things, their most important feeling. Magnus told him there was no such potion and that killed Will inside.

He jumped when the sound of a grandfather clock rung in his ears, snapping him out of his focus. It was midnight.

He decided to go back to the institute and rest; even though that he knew that he was going to have a serious hangover in the morning. He thanked Six Fingered Nigel and paid the bill. He grabbed his coat and headed for the door. When he opened the door it was pouring hard and it was so dark that he couldn't see a thing. He sighed as he pulled his coat closer to him and fled into the dark, cobblestone streets of London.

There were no carriages about in this hour so he had to walk back to the institute. It wasn't very far, but considering how slow Will was from thirty eight glasses of beer, vodka, brandy and whiskey it would be a very long night. He sluggishly made his way past the alley while the rain pounded his back and head.

He continued to walk, one step at time. He was half asleep but the rain kept him awake.

The rain helped his senses awaken as he walked, and then it helped him ease out of his 'drunk state' he felt so much better but he stayed tired. He opened his eyes just a bit, only to be blotted out with darkness.

He passed through narrow alleys looking like a lonely alley cat wandering through looking for a place to call home. The streets were badly polluted by the air of River Thames making Will cough repeatedly. Some buildings, most likely pubs or clubs were lit, with music and laughter that invited anyone who dared to enter, it tempted him but somehow he refused to step into one.

His back felt heavy, like he was carrying cement blocks stacked without care. Will decided to take a short break before he could continue on his little journey back home. There was a little more for him to walk, but Will was drunk making his speed unbeatable to the speed of molasses. He leaned against a small cobble stone wall beside an overflowing trashcan and a wooden crate with frightened rat on top. He sighed as the rain began to aid sleep, he fighting to stay awake.

While he was prying his eyelids open, he caught a glimpse of a figure that was walking towards him. He figured it was another drunken man wandering the streets like him, as it came closer it showed a face of a rugged man with torn up, mud colored trousers, scuffed and beaten up black boots and a bottle of whiskey in his crooked hands. He smiled foolishly at Will as he stumbled his way to greet him.

"No place like London!" He sang in a drunken sort of way, waving his bottle away "My soul is in the great River Thames!"

Will ignored him; he was too sleepy to even think of anything insulting to say so he would scamper away.

The man turned to him and took a swig from his bottle "Lovely night ain't it?" He said

He murmured a yes as he put his head down, staring at the ground. The man shrugged and turned away. They both stood in silence while the rain poured on. Stormy clouds were painted on the sky, blotting out the beautiful crescent moon.

"I just had fight with my landlord, he'll kick me out if I don't pay tomorrow" The man laughed

Will looked at the face of the man, he was blushing deep red and his beard mostly covered up his entire face. He looked like the average sort of drunken man you'd find anywhere but there was something that was different, Will almost missed it.

In his eyes, the pupils were divided into the colors of red and yellow. He knew that he was standing almost face to face with a rattlesnake demon, and he was probably looking for a meal today. He ignored the man's rambles about money and slid his hand to his coat pocket and there he produced a hidden seraph blade. It was a pocket knife but twice as deadly. Its brilliance shimmered through the darkness.

The man noticed it and shone its wicked sharp teeth at Will, he licked his lips and said "I saw that coming you know"

The once drunken man pounced on Will, clawing at it with its razor sharp claws. He pushed it back, and ducked to give the demon a nice sized cut on its chest. The demon screamed as it began spitting poison, luckily, it only burned through Will's clothing. Will kicked his stomach and slashed the blade with such speed he couldn't even see where he was trying to aim. The demon eventually pushed him off, throwing Will as he skidded onto the streets. The demon then clawed at him while he was still vulnerable, he felt warm blood wetting his shirt and his brain feeling hazy but he managed to get up. He punched the demon in the face, missing the teeth by only inches and gutted him with the seraph blade. The rattlesnake demon let out a disgusting gurgling sound as Will withdrew his blade. It fell to the ground, the demon twitched uncontrollably, spewing out golden rattlesnake blood. It began to shrink slowly as it twitched, eventually disappearing. Only the half empty whiskey that was dropped on the ground was proof that he existed.

The seraph blade was still intact. He had Brother Enoch bless the knife so it wouldn't crumble because of demon poison. He wiped the blade with his coat, (that burned through the fabric) and put it back into his pocket. Warm pain coursed through his body, making him ten times as slower. He couldn't think anymore, he wanted to lie down and curl up into a little ball but he knew that he had to get back to the institute.

It felt like hours when he finally saw the institute. He breathed a sigh of relief as his stumbled his way there. Then, in the darkness of the rain he spotted another figure. It was laid onto the steps of the institute. He groaned, was it another demon trying to finish him off? Oddly he didn't care; he would have Jem, Sophie, Jessamine, Henry or Charlotte drag his body to the infirmary in the morning.

The figure was a lady that was asleep on the stairs. Her hair was down, wet and tossed around beautifully. She wore a Scarlette gown that was completely drenched in rain, her shoulders and her neck was bare only two necklaces to cover them. Soft and thick eyelashes proved the innocence of the lady.

Then his senses kicked into high gear.

**Tessa's POV**

_Must've been unconscious for a while. _ Tessa's thoughts murmured, she slowly opened her eyes and her brain awake, a warm cozy feeling surrounded her, like she was surrounded by dozens of comfy pillows. And then, the sound of a heartbeat that was so profound in her ear.

Will was carrying her to her room, like a sleepy child being carried to bed by her father. She kept quiet and let Will hold her with his strong arms. He smelled of alcohol, which was practically normal for him. She remembered blanking out all of a sudden while waiting for Will to come home. She remembered being so worried about him, and now, Will was worried about her. Tessa wasn't sure if she was angry or concerned, right now, she just wanted to stay in his arms forever.

_You're late _she wanted to say

She slid her hand onto his chest, which was wet and warm. Tessa was startled to find blood painted on her hand.

"You're bleeding" She said quietly, Will bent his down, his nose was in her wet hair. "What happened?" She asked

"Thirty eight glasses of alcohol, that's what happened" He laughed softly, but Tessa didn't laugh

"You got attacked by a demon didn't you?" She assumed, she felt Will stop and look at her, she felt the gaze slowly seep into her skin. Will didn't reply.

"Why on earth were you sleeping on the institute's front stairs?" He asked, his voice speaking gently in her ear, it was like music to her, as if someone was singing a lullaby to her.

"I was waiting for you." Tessa replied. Will was about to say something but then changed his mind. "You're late" she stated

"I thought you'd be fast asleep in your room by now" Will said, and then he stopped to open the door to let Tessa in.

He let go of her but she was reluctant to go to sleep right now, for some apparent reason she'd never been more awake in her life. Also, Will's injuries were bothering her as well. When he was about to close her door, she stopped it with the tip of her boot, startling Will.

"You can't possibly go to sleep with those injuries" Tessa said, and then she opened the door "Come, let me help you."

He was hesitant for a moment but he went in. He sat on the floor, clutching his bleeding chest. Tessa sat in front of him. Will looked terrible, his hair was thrown around, his eyes were a dark shade of blue and there were bags under his eyes. There were bruises and cuts all over him as well. Tessa felt horrible.

"Let me see your wounds." Tessa ordered but he shook his head "Let me see them."

He sighed as he unbuttoned his tattered white shirt to reveal a pair of claw marks across his chest, he was bleeding profusely. He was breathing hard too. She gasped in horror."Will, what have you done to yourself?"She hurried to her bathroom and pulled out a first aid kit that Sophie gave to her in case of emergency, there were also some shadowhunter healing stuff too.

Tessa grabbed a cloth and dampened it with warm water and then went to treat Will.

"Hold still" She ordered, she slowly wiped off the blood around the cuts, his breathing became more rapid. She put down the bloody cloth and rummaged around in the tool kit for some alcohol to clean the wounds. She used a cotton ball to soak the cleaning liquid up.

"This might hurt" She warned, and then as she gently went around the wound Will was groaning in pain.

"Of you only followed the instructions on the note I gave you" Tessa sighed as she continued to clean the wounds

"That would only have led to a fight" Will reasoned "I don't want to fight with you Tessa"

"I was only going to reason with you." She fought back, even though when they tried to negotiate it always led to fighting. She kept dabbing more alcohol on the wounds. Then tears began to form in her eyes, she tried to hold them back and be strong but there was just so many Tessa just let them out. Her hand was trembling so bad that the cotton ball fell on the floor. Will could feel her fingertips on his chest.

"If I hadn't been so mean with you wouldn't be going to the bar every night and getting yourself hurt all the time." She said in between sobs, and then she collapsed. Will caught her just in time before she could hit the floor.

His heart heavied. _I've been hurting her too haven't I?_

"Tessa-"He started "How on earth are my disappearances related to you?" He knew his answer to his question and Tessa was written all over it.

"I'm sorry" She cried, Will sighed _this was exactly the reason I should just forget about Tessa _

Will lifted her chin up with his finger so their eyes would meet each other. They were both searching for something, they were lost for words. He wiped her tears away with the brush of his thumb, their faces were so close together but for the first time Will sat still. Tessa wanted to reach up and kiss him but she had a feeling that he didn't want her too.

"Don't worry about me alright?" He said softly

Tessa didn't say anything; she was lost in his world right now.

"Can you do something for me?" He asked, Tessa slowly nodded a yes while Will formed a lump in his throat.

"Forget about what we did before Jem proposed to you because it's been causing us some trouble hasn't it?" He said Tessa looked down; she didn't want to forget though. Even though they made some many mistakes in the past, Tessa learned so much about Will, and especially herself. If she forgotten, she would become a stranger to herself and Will would be so awkward to her now.

Will never got his answer and frankly, he didn't care. He was lost in Tessa's world, even though he promised never to be this close to her again. They seemed to forget everything and just stared, feeling each other without direct touch.

They could forget each other just like that.

.o0o.

Tessa woke up to find herself in her bed and still in yesterday's evening gown. She turned around to see that Will wasn't with her, her heart heavied to remember the events that occurred yesterday. His bloody and torn shirt and medical supplies were still on the floor. She imagined just sitting there, watching Will and herself unfold each other right on that floor.

On her night stand, she found a note folded up neatly, waiting for someone to open it up and read it. Tessa jumped at it, and fingers fumbled when she unfolded the note carefully. There, was Will's handwriting, neat and precise. There was a lot on the paper but Tessa didn't mind, and so she began to read.

_Dear Tessa,_

_When you read this note you probably know that I am absent at that moment to come and speak to you myself, which I don't have the courage to do right now. _

_I am asking you again to forget about me and what happened yesterday and the hundred days we've been together before that. I seem to be causing you some pain and I do not wish to still aggravate you after your wedding. Therefore, I will leave this institute to join my parents and hopefully they'll embrace after all of the horrible things I've done to them. Jem and Cecily know about this, so you do not have to worry about explaining anything to them. _

_I will ask that you will not come to find me. I promise that I will completely disappear from your life. I will forget everything about you which will make us strangers._

_Beside this note, there is a box on your night stand. Inside is my most prized possession and now it is yours, I can't leave without leaving a wedding present for you._

Sure enough, when Tessa opened the small box there was Will's ring that he always wore, it was a silver snake that wrapped around the finger, it held a little blade in its tongue. The little scales of the snake were designed of shadowhunter marks, tiny little blue inscriptions that were so meticulously done.

_In a way, which I'll forget everything, I will still continue to love you._

_Goodbye,_

_Will Herondale_

Tessa dropped the ring and the letter. After hearing the ring rattle onto the floor, she burst into tears.


End file.
